If J-Nice Is The Next Brian McLaren, Then Who Is The Next J-Nice?

i am risking a slew of shots at the next poker night by posting this . . . after all there is a rule that what happens at poker stays at poker.  but i got this text pre-approved by the poker host, plus i think i can tell this story without violating any confidences.  if i can't, well, then pass the tequila.  anyway here goes: when emergent pope tony jones passed through dallas last week, a poker night was thrown in his honor.  here are 10 truths we learned throughout the course of the evening:

1. tony jones does not respect me.  before a single card had been dealt, he offered me this question: "if you're going to go to the trouble of starting a blog where you share your own thoughts and ideas, why do you name it the junior of someone else's blog?  why not come up with your own name?".  after giving what i thought was a genius answer, tony responded by placing a nickname on me that: a) was not endearing, b) was not exactly masculine, and c) stuck for the whole damn night!!

2. david crump does not know who tony jones is.  and david was sure to let everyone know of this fact not just once or twice, but THREE times!  we get it, d-crump!  i guess 1 emasculation deserves another, tj.

3. tony jones will not take his shirt off for twenty dollars.  i guess a princeton phd leaves you a little more dignity than that....my offer was sent out via e-mail 2 weeks ago and encouraged by many others at the table, but sadly was not accepted.

4. i, on the other hand, will take my shirt off for free.  what is up:

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5. tony jones is not interested in holding impromptu readings of his books.  despite our urgings, clamorings, and pleadings, he resisted.

6. i AM interested in holding readings of tony jones' books.  so i took my shirt off and read a few passages from post modern youth ministry.  i think we make a good team.  he writes, i read.  i see a barnes & noble tour in our future...

7. my friend j-har does not travel anywhere without tony jones' entire library in his car.  when the idea for a reading first came up, we thought it was only a dream because he did not bring his books.  but then j-har ran to his car and came back with the motherload. 

8. j-nice wants to know what tony jones has ever done with his life.  fair question, j-nice.  here's the answer:

    

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9. according to j-nice, someone has supposedly labeled tony jones the next brian mclaren, but we don't know who.  when cornered to provide a source for his claim, drunk j-nice paniked and jumped up from his chair and pointed his finger at ME.  I don't think so, big boy, try again.  deep throat, maybe?

10. regardless of who said it, j-nice does not think tony jones is the next brian mclaren.  j-nice thinks J-NICE is the next brian mclaren.  we know this because of an equally genius and ridiculous piece written by j-nice on his blog the day before the poker game entitled "Tony Who?".  in the post, which you must read for yourself, j-nice offers 8 reasons why he himself is the next brian mclaren.  when asked to explain the post to tony jones' face, he recoiled.  so el mol did us all a favor by reading the piece outloud.  when asked for emergent's official response, tony offered: "no comment".  the most compelling reason i think is that j-nice knows how to flat-stack lumber at home depot, tony doesn't.  that settles it in my book, j-nice you got the gig.  from now on these 2 are one and the same:

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so we are now taking applications for the next j-nice.  tony, you interested?

Comments

[faith]

My Sociology prof looks exactly like Brian...it's so creepy!

Why can't we just be ourselves? J can be J, Mr. Jones can be Mr. Jones, Brian can be Brian...Ronnie can be Ronnie (though it appears you are the only one who wants to be himself...good on ya!)

Maybe Mr. Jones was intimidated by your manly physic? You should hold off disrobing till everyone else has done so first!

[Hicksie]

OFF! There was someone at the table who didn't even appreciate the greatness he was flopping cards with and I was at home... OFF! Worse yet, I have to listen to J-Har brag about being there- totally OFF!

[el mol]

j-har is genius

[Princess Christie]

Sounds like you had a good time. I had a good time reading this...I laughed so hard I squirted a few tears out. Congratulations.

[jhar]

i had one book dude. and without giving too much away, i think i have to say that after the events of friday night, george is no longer curious.

[jesusloves]

c'mon jhar... you know, if probed, you would've brought out the rest of the complete works of tj, including some internet print-outs that you have archived. it's cool if tj gives you a woody, claim it!

as for jnice's complete inability to own up to his smack, and MOL's subsequent reading: by far the best MOL moment of the year thus far.

let the jnice roast continue.

[j-lay]

i would apply for the now open j-nice position, but i don't think that would be a good career move on my part.

[Wunderkind]

Unrelated, I saw murderball last night and we all thought it was brilliant. So, credit to moljer for the recommend.

[Scott Gornto aka LD]

Oh my goodness....who gives a shiznit about who is the next Tony Jones or J-nice....I can not get enough of R. Fauss taking his shirt off for his blog. Absolutely off the hook. Mitch needs to see that...he will be so excited...
R. Fauss....love the shades by the way. So MOL.
with love and attraction - S

[tony jones]

i miss your nipples, junior.

[MOL Junior]

keep that picture under your pillow tj.